Brothers in Arms Part III: SSgt Nick Bennett

Ken Harbaugh:

Please check the show description for resources that can help you, or dial 988 if you’re feeling suicidal and need immediate assistance.

I’m Ken Harbaugh, host of Warriors In Their Own Words. In partnership with the Honor Project, we’ve brought this podcast back at a time when our nation needs these stories more than ever.

Warriors in Their Own Words is our attempt to present an unvarnished, unsanitized truth of what we have asked of those who defend this nation. Thank you for listening, and by doing so, honoring those who have served.

Brothers in Arms is a special three-part series that tells the stories of SgtMaj Dan Miller and SSgt Nick Bennett, two Iraq War vets whose lives were forever changed by a deadly rocket attack.

Today, in the final part of this series, you’ll hear SSgt Bennett share his side of the story. Bennet also deployed to Iraq with the Marine Corps, initially working in the comms center before transferring to base security. The rocket attack almost killed him, and he too returned home with serious mental health issues.

Nick Bennett:

My name is Nick Bennett, and I retired as a staff sergeant in the Marine Corps. And my job in the Marines was communications. I started off in MOS Marine occupational or Military Occupational Specialty of Comm Center. And all that was, was a glorified Western Union. We'd get message traffic in and then we'd disseminate it to all the units on the base. I'd picked up side jobs as like a field radio operator. But my entire career was basically in the communications field.

Both my grandfathers were in the military. My Grandpa Clark, my mom's dad, was in the army in Europe. He was a prisoner of war in Moos-Berg, Germany from October of ‘44 to April of ‘45. But he never really talked about his time in the service. My Grandpa Bennett, my dad's dad, was in the Navy. He was in the submarines on the USS Sunfish and he talked quite a bit about it. So, growing up I always knew I was going into the Navy. I always knew I wanted to be in the submarines just like my grandpa.

So, fast forward to the summer between my junior and senior year in high school, I went to see the Navy recruiter and we sat down and talked. And I asked him, I said, “Do you get shots?” And he said, “Yes.” And I said, “Well, thanks, but no thanks.” Because you see, I got this fear of the needles. So, when I talked to the Marine recruiter, I forgot to ask this vital piece of information. And that's how I became a Marine. And quickly realize that you get just as many shots in the Marine Corps. So, that was my path to being a Marine.

So, I initially joined the Marine Corps in 1988, right after high school. And I did six years active duty. Got out in 1994 and at the time, my oldest son (I had three kids at the time) was getting ready to start school. And there's nothing wrong with military kids switching schools. But I had such a traumatic experience moving down here from Michigan in between my freshman and sophomore year of high school that I didn't want that for my kids. So, in ‘94, I walked away from the Marines, did two years in the reserves, but always knew I was going to do 20 years.

And so, in 2003, I started getting back in shape and joined in January of 2004 in the Reserves here in Indianapolis. And partly the main reason was because of 9/11. I have a cousin, Tanya, she survived 9/11, but she saw when the planes go into the tower. She still has respiratory issues to this day. And part of 9/11 was very personal to me because it was the first time that somebody had attacked a member of my family. And so, I knew I had missed out on Desert Storm, and I knew I really wanted to go to Iraq just because to follow in my grandfather's footsteps. My cousin Tanya survived 9/11 and it was just my time to go.

When I reenlisted in January of 2004, the unit had already gotten a warning order that the unit was going to Iraq. We just didn't know at the time how many Marines were going, what jobs were going. And so, from January, February timeframe, I was always beating on somebody's doors saying I want to go. And in June of 2004, myself and six other Marines were selected to go. Three of those Marines went directly to 2nd Battalion, 24th Marines in Chicago. Myself and two other Marines, we went to Erie, Pennsylvania with Truck Company and Truck Company was attached to 2nd Battalion, 24th Marine. So, we all met up in California for three months of training. And in September of 2004, is when we flew into Iraq. So, we basically had three months of training out at Camp Pendleton before we ever went to Iraq.

So, we were in a place called Mahmudiyah. And it's in the Triangle of Death, it's the Al Anbar Province, it's just south of Baghdad. And one of the things I'll always remember is when I told my parents where I was at, they immediately looked it up and found out that we were on the deadliest road in Iraq because it was the main thoroughfare from Kuwait into Baghdad.

Also, where we were at, it was the crossroads of the insurgency. So, when other Marines would chase the bad guys out of Najaf, Fallujah, Ramadi, they would basically come right through our area of operation, our AO. So, there was a lot of activity. We got the nickname from the terrorists, the Bad Guys of Mad Ghosts because of how we would pop up all the time.

So, going to Iraq, I was 35. I turned 35 when I flew into Iraq. And I had already lived a life as a dad, I had the opportunity to have a relationship with my three kids. I had two sons and a daughter at the time. And I was old enough where some of these Marines could have been my kids. And so, I was good with anything that would've happened to me in Iraq just to have the opportunity for these kids to come home.

And so, for me, my first job was in what was called the internet cafe. And I was responsible for the phones and the computers so these Marines could contact home. And it was a very important job, but I didn't get in shape to come sit in the building. I wanted to walk in my family's footsteps. My Uncle Bob was in the Navy and my Uncle Craig was still in the Air Force at the time. And so, every day it was like, “Hey, I want to go to base security. I don't want to sit here for nine months.” And it wasn't because I could do the job better or it wasn't for, “Hey, let's go kill people.” It was just this where I was at in my life, and it was time for me to pick up that family baton and run with it.

And so, I eventually got the opportunity to go to base security. And two of my Marines from Mindy were already on base security. So, that was just one more step in me being able to watch over my junior Marines because I was a sergeant at the time. And with base security, I would sit on Gate One with three other Marines from about 3:00 in the morning to 7:00 in the morning. And then we'd go out on missions and then we would go back to base security at night from like 4:00 in the afternoon to 7:00 at night. And we were responsible for all the military traffic that left our FOB or forward operating base, that they had the correct number of personnel, the correct number of vehicles. And it was the same thing coming in, any military convoys that came in.

And then with the Iraqis who worked on our base, we had to do vehicle searches, we had to do body searches because what people don't realize is that the local Iraqis who worked for the Americans, they were targeted. So, they had weapons on them. So, we would have to take the AK47s from them before they were allowed on our base, and then we'd give them back to them at night. And then when we'd go out on missions, if the officer was in a meeting, I would be right outside the door of where the meeting was and I'd have Marines at the entrances and exits so nobody could get in. So, that was kind of my routine in Iraq.

So, November, 2004, we knew in Iraq that once President Bush was going to get reelected, that we were going back into Fallujah. And from April of 2004 to November of 2004, the insurgency was able to fortify that city. They had turned entire buildings into improvised explosive devices and they'd taken off rooftops and sealed up stairwells because they knew how we liked to fight. So, we'd gotten the intelligence that they were going to hit the countryside hard so we wouldn't go into Fallujah with a strong force. And so, that Sunday night of the week of Veterans Day, we did a raid at a gentleman's house who was in the Rocket Corps. I was part of the outer security, meaning that anybody who tried to get in or leave, we could prevent that from happening. He wasn't home, but we took two of his sons into custody that night.

And so, that Monday night was the first time we ever took rockets into the compound. We'd get mortared frequently. With mortars, they thump, and with rockets, they whistle. And that night we took two or three rockets and it was the first time we ever had rockets.

And so, Thursday, which was Veterans Day, 2004, and this week was as a unit, our worst week. We lost half of our KIAs, killed in action, that week. And so, Thursday, our guard shift and another guard shift we're all outside the command post or the CP and the QRF, which is a quick reac force, was gearing up to go out. So, we were just kind of waiting to see what was going to happen. And I'm sitting up against the CONEX box and Staff Sergeant Rimkus, who's up in the Humvee, cleaning his machine gun, getting ready to go out. He was part of the QRF. Called me over and asked for a piece of cleaning gear. No sooner had I got my weapon inverted (that's where we kept our cleaning gear) I heard a whistle off my left shoulder. And I knew what it was. I knew it was going to be big and I knew I wasn't coming home.

And the next thing I know, I'm lying there. And if your leg's ever gone to sleep, that tingling sensation you get, that's kind of how my leg felt. And I asked them to put it down and they said it was. And then I looked over and saw my left hand and they told me not to look at it. And so, I remember getting put in the back of the Humvee. Sergeant Courtney and I think his name was Captain Murphy, but I kept telling him, “I'm just tired. I just want to go to sleep.” They're like, “You can't, just stay with us.”

So, what happened is when the rocket came in, it skipped off the deck and shared three quarters of the primer from the detonator and sent the warhead through the back tire of the Humvee through the fuel neck, and sent shrapnel head and neck level on the passenger side of the vehicle. The 107-millimeter Chinese rockets got a kill radius of a football field and a casualty of three. So, if it would've worked, there would've been over 50 Marines pink misted, no questions asked. Our FOB was only like 800 by 800, so it would've done some serious, serious damage if it would've worked. And I found out later that that was like one of three that they shot in that day. And so, when it hit, the back part of the warhead is what took off the back part of my right leg, opened it up to the femur side nerve. They said that you could put your hand completely threw my leg that day.

I took shrapnel in my left side, chipped a bone in my L4, the spinal processee. And I know that because when the doctor in Bethesda pulled the shrapnel out, he could feel the chip in my bone. I took shrapnel in my upper left arm, and I still have a chunk in my upper left arm. And then I took the shell casing in my right shoulder, and it ground my sappy plate to dust. If it wasn't for the sappy plate, I'd have probably died right then as well because it had blown off my entire arm. And then in the midst of getting spun around, it flacked the back part of my left hand, took out four of my wrist bones and took out another one of my wrist bones.

I went to Base Medical, and I asked for a picture of my wife and three kids to go with me because I always carried one in my medical kit. And I told the doctor to let Sergeant Sara know who became my brother (he was out of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) that I was okay because I knew he would be trying to get back to see me and they wouldn't lie to him.

The next thing I know, I’m on a helicopter, and I didn't know at the time, but they flew me to Baghdad. And me and my wife at the time, we had set up a code word. So that way if anything would've happened to me, she knew when she got the call that this was real. And to standby for the standby and that this wasn't a fake call. So, when the nurse asked me what to tell my wife at the time, I said, “Let her know that if I didn't make this call, I would be in trouble.” And so, that way she would know it wasn't good.

From there I went to probably Balad, I think, I'm not real sure. I was able to call my parents. I left them a message. From there I went to Germany and Germany was the only place I thought I was going to die. I remember being in a big empty warehouse with just cots and I knew I wasn't in the hospital. There wasn't a whole lot of medical staff around. And I just remember lying there thinking, “This is where I'm going to die. There's nothing more they can do for me. So, they're just putting me here.”

Come to find out, it was the holding facility before they put you on a plane to go back to the US. And I flew into Andrews Air Force Base the night of 16 November, 2004. So, it took five days to go from Iraq to the US. Flying into Andrews, I went to Bethesda, National Naval Medical Center, Bethesda, Maryland. And I was only supposed to be a RON patient, which is remain overnight. They had no idea the extent of my injuries.

So, the next morning when I got into surgery and they flipped me over and I saw the back part of my leg, that's when they called in plastics, and general surgery, and everybody. And I spent the next two months as an inpatient. Got discharged in January of 2005. And then from like February of 2005 to about October of 2006, I would go back every month for either a surgery because they basically rebuilt my hand in that timeframe or for doctor's appointments. And was medically discharged in October of 2007.

I didn't find out about Miller until years later. Our last KOA was a Marine by the name of Lance Corporal Andrew Ace Nowacki, who was killed the end of February of 2005. And he was a police officer in Mentor Ohio. And so, his family has set up a scholarship for people who want to be like EMTs, firefighters, police officers in his honor. So, every April they hold a gala in his honor and a lot of Marines from Truck Company go, Marines from Chicago go.

And so, as we were sitting around the table, one year was the first time I ever heard the story about what Miller did for me that day. And one of the rumors was that he hit me so hard that he broke my jaw. And it just the fog of war, a lot going on. To put into context, kind of I got hit Veterans Day of ‘04. So, that night when I got into Germany, there were so many casualties that the doctor ended up doing like 15 amputations that night. They doubled from like an 18 bed ICU to a 36 bed ICU. Surgery waiting was full, ICU was full. I was in part of the hospital that wasn't even open. So, there was a lot going on and a lot of communication. And my wife at the time was able to hop on email with my guys back in Iraq and just kind of keep them updated, what was going on.

But I never knew Miller lived that long with the guilt of thinking that he'd broke my jaw. So, immediately once I got that information, when I got back to Indiana where I lived, I would call his office and just say, “Hey, I love you. Call me.” And I would keep calling him and just saying, “Hey, I love you, just call me.” So, I eventually saw his picture with Wounded Warrior Project at the Chicago Air and Water Show. And it was such a relief because I knew he was okay.

And a little time later I saw this picture again and he was down in Jacksonville, which is the headquarters of Wounded Warrior Project. And so, I immediately called Matt, who's my contact because I'm on the national campaign team. I go to schools and churches. And I said, “Matt, do you know who you've got there?” And Matt was like, “Yeah.” And he's like, “Can you come to Jacksonville?” And I'm like, “Just let me get my son squared away for school tomorrow and I'll be on a plane tomorrow. If you think Dan Miller's okay with it, if you think he's going to be okay. There was no question at all of getting on that plane and coming down.”

And that's one of the things I love about Wounded Warrior Project because it's not events. It's making sure service members reconnect in a safe environment. And I knew this was the best spot for it because whatever would happen, we had the resources around us to heal. And I'll never forget him walking in and just being able to hug him and just say, “Thank you. This is the life I've got because of you. This is what you did that day.” And so, it was pretty awesome, pretty special to see him again and just tell him I love him in person.

One of the things that when people think of the military, they don't necessarily think of the reserves. And being reservist, it's harder in some ways than service members who are on active duty because as a reservist, we come back home and we all go our separate ways. We might be able to see each other on a weekend, but it's not like active duty where you're back on base and it's day in and day out with everybody. And especially for me, who was attached to the unit, I came home and never really had any contact because we had Marines from Wisconsin, in Iowa, in Pennsylvania, and Oklahoma, and New York. So, anything tragic that happened in our unit, we're all scattered into the winds basically.

And so, what the military is all about is my grandfathers were the greatest help in my life coming back. I'll never forget sitting on the back deck in Michigan with my Grandpa Bennett and talking about how loud noises scared me. And this man that I had idolized all my life sat there and said, “Hey, it took me two years to get over loud noises coming back home.” And he talked about the scary times of the mine cables scraping alongside the hole of the submarine. And he talked about the death charges. And I look at the Vietnam vets and I look at how poorly they were treated coming back home. And to be able to integrate into society and lead successful lives and raise families. It's all the military members who've gone before me on days when I don't think I can make it anymore and I'm just tired, that's who I can look to.

And it's no different than civilians who have cancer, they find other cancer survivors. Or whatever tragedy they've encountered in their lives, they find like people who've gone through what they've gone through and before them. And so, with the military, some ways it's about the flag and it's about the USA but it's more about the guys and the gals on your left and your right and making sure they came back home.

Miller did not have to do what he did to save me that day. And it just shows what a type of man he is, shows what type of Marine he is. Because at his gunny at that time we had incoming rounds and he had bigger responsibilities than just me because of all the chaos that was going on. But it's personal when it comes to being in the military of trying to get everybody back home safely.

So, coming back home, my marriage of 16 years disintegrated. My three kids at the time, I walked away from them because I felt such a burden on them because of my injuries. I still need help tying my right shoe, but at the time I would need my kids to help me get dressed and I would need help walking. And when thunderstorms came, I just wanted to crawl underneath the table with them. Or I wanted to crawl in my mom and dad's lap to feel safe. My identity as a Marine was ripped away because I went from somebody who was strong and could take onto the world to somebody who I thought was broken and useless. And so, I walked away from my kids and my family because how can I be a dad anymore? I can't play catch with them. I can't get down on the floor and play with them. And so, it's been really, really hard trying to reconnect. And I ended up on suicide watch at the VA. And the only reason I didn't commit suicide, because my fear of doing it wrong and ending up in the hospital was greater.

But I would drive down the highway and be like, “Okay, so, how fast do I got to go? What angle do I got to go to hit this bridge button? And I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying to live two lives of who I was before and trying to figure out who I am now.” And like I said, conversations with my grandfather and conversations with my uncle who was in the Navy, I realized after that suicide thing that I needed help. And so, I sat down with all my kids and said, “Hey, everything's on the table. Whatever you want to know, we can talk about it.” And one of the greatest gifts my daughter ever gave me was, “You know what, dad, you're alive. I'm just happy to be home. I don't care if you hurt.”

And I was at the Air and Water show and was able to take her and I'd gotten remarried at this point and had another son. So, I had my daughter and my 2-year-old son. And we were sitting in a sailboat in Lake Michigan and we had a camera crew with us, and they asked me about that day. And I'm sitting there, and I put my hand on my little girl's leg and I'm like, “Are you okay?” And that fear of being rejected, like I had rejected her, ran through my mind, but she was like, “Yeah.” And so, we were able to heal together. And when we got back to the dock, it was like a whole new path had opened up before me. And if it wasn't for Wounded Warrior Project would've been able to heal with my little girl. And to be able to take my 2-year-old son into canoe and not drown and know that I can keep my kids safe. It was huge in my world.

And it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I lived my life in honor of all my Marines, with 224. I lived my life in honor of all the men and women who have sacrificed. In honor of all the doctors, and nurses, and therapists who put me back together again. And my life's not perfect. I've recently got back into therapy because of a lot of tragedies that have happened in my life in the last couple of months. And I just knew I was getting to that dark point again that I needed help. And when I have talks with my Uncle Craig, who's retired from the Air Force, who've done tours over there, I told him, I said, “The monsters are going to come.” And he's like, “Yeah, but I didn't know they would come back with this much of vengeance.” And I'm like, “But the difference is there's at least a light in that darkness now, that you know is there and it's just trying to get to that light again. And you've been through so much as a service member that you are loved more than you'll ever know. And you're my inspiration of why I do what I do. And I would love to like see you around and I like to keep you here in this world because you deserve so much for all you've done.”

You're not a burden. And what I learned is you are robbing everybody of their joy of being with you. And we're not guaranteed tomorrow at all, and it could be taken away. And I think back of how much I could have missed. I would've missed walking my little girl down the aisle and I would've missed my grandchildren. And I just lost my mom. My mom passed away the 22nd of March and I would've missed that final month with my mom and with my dad. And you owe it to yourself because you are important. You are somebody special. And there are people out there that love you and want to be with you, and you are not a burden at all.

And trust me, it's hard to say that because some days, quite honestly, I don't believe that in myself. But when I start looking around my house and when I start thinking about my life, that's what gets me through those moments. And one of the things that I've done in my house before I painted it is all my walls, I've written names.

So, one wall, I've got all the Marines that we lost in Iraq for our unit. And another wall, I've got my doctors and nurses. And another wall, I've got my church kids and my kids. And another wall, I've got the Marines from Iraq. And so, that way I'm always surrounded by love. And so, whenever that darkness comes, I can just look around my house and know that I'm surrounded with people who love me.

Ken Harbaugh:

That was SSgt Nick Bennett.

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Warriors In Their Own Words is a production of Evergreen Podcasts, in partnership with The Honor Project.

Our producer is Declan Rohrs. Brigid Coyne is our production director, and Sean Rule-Hoffman is our Audio Engineer.

Special thanks to Evergreen executive producers, Joan Andrews, Michael DeAloia, and David Moss.